She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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