Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
