I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Fuck appropriateness.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
