I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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