if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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