I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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