i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
