Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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