too bad you live with your parents still
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
