apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
