I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize