Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the day after is always just damage control
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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