Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize