Your face is a jimmy john
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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