FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
