ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
