dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
