i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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