Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
