Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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