yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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