I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
