Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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