i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
