the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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