i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
