i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm at about main and main street
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
