I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
