I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
