I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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