highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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