we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
