he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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