i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
