well you can't waste a boner
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
