just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
