I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
