I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
