I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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