She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
