This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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