Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
