end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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