Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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