He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
