remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
