but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
