Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
