I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
