Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
