Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
