420 ftw
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
His hands were made for my vagina.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
