You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
