Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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