Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
