we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
