I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
