they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
