Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
