If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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