who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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