i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
