there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
