I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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