i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
