let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
