actually, I'm a sock model
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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