You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize