Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
