You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize