That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
