you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
